In the Life of an Enderman
by hkhkcat
Summary: Ever wonder what an Enderman's life is like? Well, here it is for y'all.
1. Introduction

Hi. My name's Bob and I am an Enderman. Yeah, yeah. I know what all you out there are thinking. I should be named Endie or Creeper. Well, for one, I hate creepers. Two, my name's Bob. And it shall remain that way. You know, life's kinda lonely being the tallest mob. But, you have to admit, the purple eyes are cool. That's the one thing I thank Notch for. Well, back to the whole loneliness theme, my only friends are those ugly, dumb, groaning zombies. They can't even pick up blocks, but the upside is that they can maul villagers **_and_** spawn wearing armor. Anyway, they're dumb. If you're just reading this to find out secrets about me, well, then I tell you to get the %$&% outta here, but if you're reading it to actually no more about the life of Bob the supermodel, well, it would be nice to have some acknowledgements. Read on, I say.


	2. Freqently Asked Questions

**Frequently Asked Questions**

**What is your favorite food?**

Rotisserie chicken. I just love it when Steve leaves a cooked chicken or two out for me to eat.

**What is your favorite color?**

How'd you know? Neon yellow.

**What is it like being the tallest mob?**

Awesome. I can stomp on anyone who crosses me.

**Are you envious of the villager-mauling zombies?**

Envious of those $% &%s? No way would I ask _that_ question again to me . . .

**Don't you wish you could spawn wearing armor?**

Armor is for babies, but it's still gold armor. And everyone knows gold armor is lame.

**Do you like flowers?**

I just love all the pretty daffodils and roses. Especially the pink ones.

**How do you go to the bathroom?**

How do _you_ go to the bathroom?


	3. Interview

Interview

**BOLD = Herobrine **Regular = Bob

**So tell us Bob, what is like having people never making eye contact?** Oh, it is terrible. I can't believe all you Steves don't even have enough manners to look a poor, lonely Enderman in the eye! **I know. Being Herobrine, I know what it's like. You don't have to worry with me. **Finally. Someone who is feared and respected just like me! And someone else with weird eyes! **Weird eyes? Excuse me? **S-S-Sorry Mr. Herobrine. I love your . . . bland eyes. **Thank you, Bob. **You're welcome, Mr. Herobrine. **So now, another questions. I heard you hate creepers.** Yes, Mr. Herobrine. **And why is that? **Because they explode. I have always had a phobia of exploding things. **I see. And why is that?** Because once a creeper almost exploded on me. **And why is that?** Because . . . I can't remember. **And why is that? **Because I forgot. **And why is that? **WILL YOU SHUT UP?


	4. One Day's Schedule

Bob's Schedule

**6:30 AM **Hear Steve rustling around in his dumb house made of wood.

**7:00 AM** Steve goes out. I can see him avoiding me.

**9:00 AM** Officially WAKE UP.

**10:00 AM** Hunt down a nice chicken or two for breakfast. Most are raw.

**11:00 AM** See Steve avoiding me again.

**12:00 PM** Have a pig for lunch. I like to nibble on the tail.

**1:00 PM** See Steve looking at me. Spin around. Stare at him with mouth open.

**2:00** Wait. When Steve turns away, hack him to death.

**3:00** Wait.

**4:00** Wait.

**5:00** Prepare my cow for dinner.

**6:00** Eat my cow for dinner.

**7:00 **Brush my nonexistent teeth.

**8:00** Get my purple and neon yellow pajamas on.

**9:00** Go to sleep.


	5. The Explanation

The Explanation

Now, this is the big moment. The time you've all been waiting for. You're wondering why I drop my mouth when you look at me then immediately after you look away start to kill you. Well, now I'm revealing my one true secret. And the reason is . . . *static*

_**-/-/-/-**_

_**-/-/-**_

_**-/-**_

_**-/-/-**_

_**-/-/**_

_**-/-**_

Sorry about that. Well, the reason is that . . . sorry. I'm trying to catch my breath. **This is an important moment, people! **Well. Sorry, I'm crying. It's because . . . I hate it when you look at me without my makeup on! Wow. I can't believe I'm laughing. Well, first, you look at me. Second, I drop my mouth in fear and anger and stare at you until you look away out of modesty. Third, I try to kill you. You got it. That's why, and so don't look at me for fear of disrupting my social reputation.

**Thanks-**

**Bob**


	6. Epilogue

**Epilogue**

Thank you, thank you! Thank you for listening to my story. What with the annoying Herobrine and all those questions, it's been a pleasure.

Now, I'd like to say that being here is a privilege, and thanks for voting me Best Mob of the Year©™. Now, I'll try not to make this too long, for all you kids out there.

Well, if you haven't guessed from the four chapters before, being an Enderman is hard. Well . . . it's not hard . . . it's not easy. Being an Enderman is not easy.

And Steve, if you hear me . . . STOP LOOKIN' AT ME WITHOUHT MEH MAKEUP ON!

Sorry about that, folks, so now, let's party!

*turns boom box on* Like an Enderman!

*confetti falls from ceiling*

**THANKS FOR READING . . . AND THE END**

** If you haven't heard, please review! I'd like to hear your comments!**


End file.
